Trolling for bargain furniture today on Craig's List, I stumbled over this perfectly hideous eyesore. So I was all, "what up, ugly ass? You so ugly, when you entered the ugly contest, they said 'sorry, no professionals!'" But then the couch said all these mean things that made me feel pretty bad about myself and ponder the futility of life.Later, while looking at myself in the men's room mirror, I started coming up with all these great comebacks to the couch's relentless streak of cheap shots and baseless mockery. For example: "Get stuffed!" and "you look like a chewed up piece of bubble gum soaked in Pepto Bismol!" I would have shut the couch down for sure with zingers like those. Really though, this bitch of a sofa should have just accepted my insults from the get-go and left it at that, because it's so damn ugly. Pink couches should step the fuck off.
1 comment:
This Finding took me from the childlike wonderment of discovery to the blackest despair and then plateaued into a painful laughing cramp. Way to go, Mr. French. You really know how to Find.
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