Finding: Tea is key

After you eat a big greasy meal, it feels really good to wash it down with some hot tea. Not only does it do the Liquid Plumb'r thing on your food pipes but it helps settle your stomach and prepare for the next onslaught. Just remember: tea is key.

Finding: Woodbridge is aight.

Right as I was buying this I thought, this is the slippery slope, isn't it? This is it, people. But you know what? Sometimes going cheap is OK. Woodbridge is not fancypants. It is not cool. But it doesn't taste like piss either. In fact, it's easy-drinkin'. I don't really need to drink expensive wine at home in front of the TV. Woodbridge is not sophisticated, but neither is my palate. Plus, it's 2X the tipsy for the money. And that's math you can take to the bank!

$9.99 for 1.5 liters at BevMo.

Finding: Cheers! doesn't have to be hard.

So you're out with 8 or 12 people for somebody's birthday or some similar occasion. Someone raises a glass to toast the birthday person, a lovely gesture that focuses the attention of the group and sets a festive mood. Then it goes bad. Somewhere along the line Raise, Toast, Clink, Drink has turned into this elaborate mess where everyone feels that they have to touch the glass of everyone else at the table. So what are we talking about here, 72 individual clinks? Sure, you can knock off 5 or 6 in the first cluster, but then the over-under, oh-did-I-get-you, reach across the apps extravaganza begins. And then you got the guy at the end of the table that feels the need to get up and walk over to the opposite end. Throw in the look-into-everyone's-eyes-as-you-drink thing and by the time you're done your beer is warm or the best third of your martini is dripping from your elbow. There must be a better way.

I propose this: Imagine the person who initiates the toast creates an electric charge. The words of the toast are converted into special toast electrons (t-). The alcohol filled glasses become t- superconductors. Any glass that touches the toaster's glass receives the full power of the toast. But here's where the magic begins. Because the glasses are perfect conductors of the toast, you don't have to actually touch the toaster's glass to receive all of the good feelings of the toast. You can touch a glass that's touching the toaster. Or you can touch the next glass in line. You could line up one hundred glasses, and the last glass would feel the feelings of the toast just as strongly as the first. Furthermore, the alcohol in the glass will will hold the t- charge for several seconds, so if by some chance you miss the circuit, one touch with someone who didn't insures full-toast good feelings. Once you have the concept down, it becomes fluid and simple: Cheers! Ka-Clink! Gulp, gulp gulp.

Finding: Gestalt bar actually less than the sum of its parts

Gestalt is a new bar in the Mission, on 16th between Valencia and Guerrero. It advertises Beer, Brats, and Bikes. That's like, say no more. I am there. But to make a long story short, we go check it out and they're kind of jerks to us.

Then I start getting Hot Neck, and we have to leave before Hot Neck tells me to do something I'll regret. For those of you unfamiliar with Hot Neck it's kind of like turning into the Hulk except without purple hot pants. Do yourself a favor and go to the original bike-friendly bar named after a German term. Zeitgeist ain't fancy, but at least they're not uptight. So there!

Finding: This world is full of too many choices

This is the drinks board at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf in SF. Actually, this is just the warm drinks board. Actually this is just part of the warm drinks board. Because the list of options is so long that it does not fit on just one board. The options take up three boards over two walls. And that's not even including the food. Those options are labeled individually in the display counter. The good thing is that if you just want coffee you don't have to look at the boards. You can just order a coffee without making a choice. Not so fast! Because then it's: dark, medium or light roast? Room for cream? Do you want to donate a dollar to some charity that i can't tell you exactly what it is but it's, like, totally for a good cause? You cannot just get a cup of coffee and go. Nothing is that simple. Because this world is full of too many choices.

Finding: Fighting your demons is a waste of good drinking time

You always have this running monologue in your head. It goes something like this: oh if i go to the gym and work out that will be great i think maybe pilates today and then some cardio and stretching oh wait are you going for a drink maybe just one and then okay one cigarette and one pizza. fries too, yeah that would be great. well if everyone is staying for another one I might as well. sweet. The next morning at work, your throat hurts from smoking, drinking beers innumerable, and shouting at the top of your lungs, even though it was dead quiet in the alley you were getting wasted in and you're like, I am a total dumbass. Wouldn't it be better to just embrace your demons? Know thyself, I say.

Finding: Lauren doesn't learn

Seriously guys, this chick does NOT learn. I can't wait until some scientists come from a top university to study her, because they will be amazed at their findings. Not that she's dumb; quite the contrary. She simply lacks the ability to learn from mundane mistakes she's ALREADY MADE, sometimes SEVERAL HUNDRED TIMES before. She's like a puzzle wrapped in an enigma shrouded in some black stuff.

Finding: Coffee followed by Nicorette in the morning makes you all sweaty

This finding actually came to me yesterday, but today confirms the accuracy of yesterday's finding. If you like feeling slightly uncomfortable and sweaty and a little bit nervous and on edge while you're sitting at your computer at work, then this is the combo for you! Try it right before a big meeting for the utmost in workplace discomfort.