Finding: Big umbrellas do not belong on a city sidewalk

Yes, the umbrella pictured here is obviously some kind of joke. But I'll tell you what is no joking matter: Big-ass sports umbrellas used by a single person on a city sidewalk. Akin to the single person commuting solo in a fatty SUV, the bearer of the sports umbrella is obnoxious, offensive and in the way. Sports umbrellas are for sporting events! Like, say you're at a golf tournament and it starts raining. You pull out your gargantuan umbrella and up to 10 people (depending on individual girths) can take refuge from the rain under its mighty span. That's great. But your striped sports umbrella is most decidedly not for use in the city! I don't care if some tech company or bank gave it to you for free! Go get a normal-sized umbrella and pretend to be the sophisticated human being that you so obviously are not.

Finding: The Queen Mary 2 is hella big

Look at the size of this ship. It could run aground on Alcatraz and go, "island? what island?" And all the teeny tiny boats around it? Those are actually normal-size boats.

Fun facts:
• The QM2 is 1,132 feet long and 134.5 feet wide
• It got under the Golden Gate Bridge by just 30 feet
• There were 2,638 passengers aboard, 2,000 of which disembarked (What's up 638 people? You too good for us or something?)
• From the Chron: "I'm a commercial fisherman, and I've seen a lot of boats, and all I can say is this is huge," said Carl Westrate, 74, who lives in Lafayette.

We went to see it at Pier 27, and I can confirm Carl's finding. That ship is hella big.

Finding: This pen is ridiculous

This pen surfaced in our office a few days ago, making an uncharted journey all the way from "Silver Clouds" (a triple-threat dining establishment that apparently features Seafood & Continental, Cocktails, and Karaoke Sing-Along. (Note to self: must check out this "Silver Clouds".) We first spotted it in a meeting in the hands of an Account Executive and it was like, "Oh yeah, that's a great idea, we...wait, what? That pen is ridiculous." It has amazing magnet-like qualities. Every time you're just about to forget about it, you have to take another look, "Interesting, we should...Jesus! That pen is ridiculous!" Because this pen is HUGE. I don't have a ruler at hand but it's got to be at least a foot long and about 2 inches around. Seriously. This pen is ridiculous.

Finding: Shoe chairs should step the fuck off also

I don't know what I was expecting when I clicked on the Craig's List post for "Trendy Shoe Chair--$125", but I'll tell you one thing, I wasn't expecting THIS. Holy shit!

I really like the development of the whole thing:

Title: Trendy Shoe Chair--$125

Subhead: Very cool look for your place.

And then BAM! Big-ass, black-and-white, stiletto shoe chair!

My stomach hurts from the laughter. Maybe you should experience it for yourself.