Finding: Shave Anywhere.com

Proof positive that advertainment ain't funny unless it involves genitals. Way to go, Philips BodyGroom. That took serious huevos.

Shaveanywhere.com

Finding: This cat is my cat twin

Tough as nails and built like a brick shithouse. Sammy doesn't like or trust you. His lawn is NOT your lawn. Even if you outweigh him by roughly 12x, he'll take on your forearm to defend His Mistress' Holy Grassland. Then he'll cuff you in the fucking face. We're so alike, really.

Finding: A breathtakingle beautiful glimpse into the world of the wild forntier

It simply does not matter that this table is too screwy to hold a drink. This is an amazing work of art. Owwwwwwwwwwwoooooooohhhhhhh!

Finding: Winemaking is addictive

Telltale signs that your loved one is making wine. (1) Red stains on feet. (2) Bathroom smells "oaky." (3) Douchebaggy t-shirt that reads, "Warning: Winemaking is Addictive." Time to stage an intervention.

Finding: You gots to be proud to be a spinna

Salsa Moves, Pilates Pulse, Far East Funk, you can step the fuck off. You is wack. 'Cause in this life, if you ain't spinnin', you ain't nothin'.

Finding: Golan the Mighty is the supreme Avatar of all musical thought and success

Check out GOLAN, master of Innerspiritlightcommand entities. You will undress for him and he will show you the Holy Musical Sexual Union.

He will also show you how to "gig".

He has a mighty Rod of power that contains liquid wisdom. He will liberate you from your harmful obsession with "money". No dudes though. Women only. Golan the Mighty is not interested in a sausage party.

He then claims to channel Tito Puente.

God, I love Craigslist.

Finding: Gruyère is Gru-yum

Have the grilled gruyère sandwich at 'wichcraft. Kind of like a Patty Melt without the patty, this is one of the few sandwiches we've had that is (1) delicious and (2) worth every penny. I forgot about gruyère. It's like swiss cheese without the foot smell.

Finding: Tea is key

After you eat a big greasy meal, it feels really good to wash it down with some hot tea. Not only does it do the Liquid Plumb'r thing on your food pipes but it helps settle your stomach and prepare for the next onslaught. Just remember: tea is key.

Finding: You will be amazing for how good it is!

IF you need new mattress for goonite sleep here's the SOLUTIONS!


I can't believe it. After all this time the secret to a goonite sleep has been revealed. All you need is a futon mattress made of 100% pick cotton, and voila! You could choice something can bring you best sleeping experance! Get your goonite sleep here.

Finding: U. F. Fucking O.

For reals. A U.F. Fucking O. over San Francisco!

Finding: I can really put it away

This is the carnage after I ate a huge bowl of chili and then went on to finish Danger J's, which he had almost not touched. As you can see I even ate parts of the (wheat bread mashed together to form) bread bowls. And then -- AND THEN! -- it appears that I licked the spoon to acquire extra calories. In fairness to my body, my stomach had been trying to send fullness signals to my brain, but they were stopped by a large amount of chili.

Shortly thereafter I went snowboarding, hurling my bloated, distended body down a hill at breakneck speed, with voluminous chili burps permeating my snow clothes every five seconds, and an all-day nausea. Danger J calls me "the Bottomless Pit," and while an unflattering term to be called by your boyfriend, it is true. I can really put it away.

Finding: Inter-species noursling is so hot right now

Seems like everywhere you look, some mammal is having a litter. And then into that litter, someone throws a foreign baby in, to mix things up a little. A single type of baby animal simply doesn't cut it anymore, in the fast-paced, highly competitive world of cuteness. It must be that mingling them teaches us to be more accepting of each other. Squirrel, dog, hippo, liger, let's break down these superficial barriers. And suckle on some teats like God intended!

Finding: Noursle

While searching the thesaurus for synonyms for "educate" I came upon this gem of a word: noursle. It may be used thusly, "When we found the kitten in the tool shed, we noursled it as one of our own." Have you said it out-loud yet? It is fun to say. Noursle.

Finding: Sometimes when life imitates art it's like, whoa

Did you think that it was possible for anyone to look this much like Miss Piggy? I didn't think so, either. The resemblance is positively striking! Unbelievable! Uncanny! Wait, is this a joke?

Finding: Eggs are nature's miracle food

You might have thought it was mother's milk or something, but you'd be wrong. Dead wrong. It's eggs. From the looks of it, if you have a serious hunger you'd better start getting your egg on. Because nothing hits the spot like 30 hard-boiled eggs. In a wire basket. It's the only proper way to satisfy your egg tooth.

We were so eggstatic to see this billboard at Kearny and Washington that we came back to witness its eggscellence again. To not do so would have been an eggregious mistake.

Finding: The Clown never lets you down

the Clown never lets you down
burgers fries cold coke
the Clown doesn't mess around

Clown Alley, 42 Columbus Avenue (at Gibb St & Ils Ln)

Finding: Moo & Oink is the greatest thing I have ever seen.

I just laughed so hard at the way he says, "MoooooOOO and OiiiiIIIIIInnnKKKK!" at the end that I fell off my chair at work.

Moo & Oink Dance - Classic Commercial

Finding: You know what's a really bad look?

An umbrella in each back pocket. We saw this on the street last night. They move to the rhythmic beat of your ass.

Finding: Cats look cute wearing damn near anything

In terms of cats wearing stuff, you think you've seen it all. But then - BAM! - cat wearing a hardhat. Can't you just picture Foreman Meow driving a mini bulldozer in his litterbox? Cute!!! Cats can wear practically anything and look adorable. Most of it has to do with how pissed they get. Unlike dogs, who appear to enjoy parading around in emasculating froufrou outfits, cats are having none of that. But that just makes you wanna hug 'em and squeeze ' em even more -- beew!

Finding: There's no place like the library on a rainy day

Rainy day, roaming the stacks, pull out a few good reads, some nice picture books. Settle down at a table or just sit in the middle of the stacks for a bit. Can you think of a more pleasant way to spend a rainy day?

(This excludes spending the day at the main branch of the San Francisco Public Library where you will be assaulted by a most unpleasant stink by every stack. And forget about the elevator. Holy Lord!)

Mechanics' Institute Library, 57 Post Street, $95 for a yearly membership