Finding: Halloween without The Misfits

is like Christmas without Santa. Horror Business, London Dungeon, Astro Zombies, Night of the Living Dead, and let's not forget, Halloween. Say what you want about candy, pumpkins, sexy cat costumes and bobbing for apples. For my money, Halloween is all about Hell-on-earth Evil. And no one does gothic-horror-evil like The Misfits. Don't believe me? Dress up like an M&M and listen to 'The Monster Mash'. Tonight is a Ghouls Night Out. No Evil = No Fun.

Finding: Germans make some really lame movies

Again, not a new finding. In fact, the featured picture is not from the lame German movie that Mr. French and I saw last night, even though that is the one that prompted this post. The featured picture is from this other really lame German movie that I saw a few months ago with Jacquelyn, Schultze Gets the Blues. It SUCKED. And the movie that Mr. French and I saw last night, The Edukators, also sucked.

BUT, I would like to add a little sub-Finding to this Finding: Some of the best films ever made are German. Like Das Boot, which is the BEST movie EVER. And Die Tausend Augen von Dr. Mabuse which is brilliant. Not to mention Nosferatu and so many other spectactular silent films. But still, they do make some really lame movies.

Finding: Some package designers are lousy at what they do

The Big L and I came across this abomination of package design on a weekend outing to Walgreen's. What in the hell is going on here? Is this cracker scrubbing his filthy little abdomen with cheesefood soap and a plastic knife sponge? Or is he using the lathery orange spread as shaving cream for a dorky David Brent style goatee? I suppose it's possible that this crunchy little guy is slavishly, though happily preparing himself for his ultimate demise -- and our own ultimate satisfaction (or disappointment). Whatever way you look at it, the fact remains that Kraft package designers missed the mark on this one. Big time. Who wants to eat a cracker with eyes, black rubber hose arms, gloves, and a mouth complete with tongue and teeth!?

Finding: Monday is just like, too much

This is what I look and feel like right now. Why do we have to go to work if we're going to be so unproductive and moody anyway? It's like a shock to the system. Save it up for Hump Day, I say. By then you can at least see a glimmer of the end of the week. Then Friday and Saturday roll around and you can give yourself the kind of aggregate hangover that takes until Tuesday for you to feel human again. Repeat.

Finding: Fried eggs are fucking awesome

There is not much that is more satisfying than a fried egg. The one problem is that they are kind of hard to make because the yolk often breaks when you try to flip it. Or you cook it too much and you don't get to dip your toast into the runny yellow goo. Wait. That sounds disgusting. But you know what I'm talkin' about. Fried eggs! Damn, are they good.

Finding: Capers make good lox great

Recently I came to work and joined a heated Caper debate in progress. It seems like it's even more polarizing than the classic Beatles v. Stones or Star Trek v. Star Wars debates. Most people were staunchly in their camp of Capers Are Awesome or Capers Are Disgusting Horrible Little Pissballs. Me, I like them. I will fight anyone who wants to on this.

Take for example this beautiful lox bagel from Cafe Petra on Guerrero at 17th. When Big Jer and I get a craving for lox, this is where we head. Why? Capers. They add that punch to the whole package, while at the same time somehow mellowing out the fish flavor that might be otherwise unappealing on a hangover day like today. Maxfield's, our usual cafe which is closer, also has a lox bagel, but they don't put capers.

That's a damn shame if you ask me. Because capers are your little green friends that make good lox great.

Finding: Sting really kind of sucks now

I know that this finding is nothing new. We all know that Sting kind of sucks now (just look at that black mesh shirt--and those pants!). But I am posting it anyway because my goddamn neighbor has been listening to the song "Fields of Gold" non-stop since Monday night. NON-STOP. (Except for that one time when he changed it up with Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer").

And I am not exaggerating when I say non-stop. Monday night I come home and he is BLARING it. Then it goes on all night--until I fall asleep and can't hear it anymore. But then it just keeps going the next day. And the next. FYI, it is now FRIDAY. And this has been going on since MONDAY.

I could go on about this but I will stop here with another Finding: My neighbor is insane. Or dead.

Finding: Three slices of bread on a PBJ is one too many

The two little pigs (me and Lauren) have been going to 'wichcraft every week since it opened in SF, with the goal of eating all the sandwiches in menu order. We're now on the cusp of exiting the breakfast menu with this, the Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich. (I don't know if anyone thinks of PBJ as breakfast food, but it's a sandwich whereas the Steel Cut Oatmeal is decidedly not).

Anyhow, it was a triple decker, with three slices of white toast containing a layer of chunky peanut butter and jam (strawberry, i think?), both of which were very tasty. Half a sando in we came to the conclusion that we could do without the middle piece of bread, which I'll call the "MoistMaker™". First of all, that is just way too much bread. Secondly, it creates a sort of toppings apartheid, keeping the PB separated from the J when everyone knows it's all about mingling the two. We both left food on our plates, which is extremely rare if you know us.
Grade: B. An excellent classic PBJ, with one minor issue.

Finding: Lauren doesn't learn

Seriously guys, this chick does NOT learn. I can't wait until some scientists come from a top university to study her, because they will be amazed at their findings. Not that she's dumb; quite the contrary. She simply lacks the ability to learn from mundane mistakes she's ALREADY MADE, sometimes SEVERAL HUNDRED TIMES before. She's like a puzzle wrapped in an enigma shrouded in some black stuff.

Finding: Coffee followed by Nicorette in the morning makes you all sweaty

This finding actually came to me yesterday, but today confirms the accuracy of yesterday's finding. If you like feeling slightly uncomfortable and sweaty and a little bit nervous and on edge while you're sitting at your computer at work, then this is the combo for you! Try it right before a big meeting for the utmost in workplace discomfort.

Finding: The Fucking Champs play some nasty rock

Good nasty. Listen to Flawless Victory.


Another finding about this band is that they can turn people into wild banshees. It was last new year's eve at one of their shows that some crazy bitch did a little dance in front of me and then swooped down and bit my inner thigh. No joke.

Welcome to Findings

Finding: Jeremy's tongue is kind of lumpy. That is a Finding.