Finding: Peanuts will never let you down

On one particularly illuminating evening at the Bow Bow, it was declared that the peanut is "the nut of the people." It is a common nut with no pretenses. It is cheap, sometimes even free. You can crack it open with your teeth, and throw the shells on the floor (and step on them for a most satisfying crunch). Open its charmingly textured casing and you are presented with not one but two tiny snacks. Oh, peanut, you are plebeian yet precious. A perfect treasure from Mother Nature's loins. Ever-reliable and rewarding. A mainstay and a marvel. Hats off to the peanut!

$1 for a brown bag of hot nuts at the Hemlock

Finding: The workday is several hours in length

Recently I came down with the flu, and was out of the office for nearly a week. When I returned I came to a startling discovery -- one which I must make public immediately. The duration of time that you are expected to sit at your desk is several hours. I know -- I couldn't believe it either. You cannot just leave when you are bored, or restless, or you need a nap, or a game of tennis, or your butt hurts from sitting, or god forbid -- you finished your work. You are supposed to just sit there for the entire day. Sure, you get paid. But when you look at the clock because you just can't take it anymore, and it's only 2:30 pm, a little part of you dies inside. Can you put a price on that?

Finding: Moles are cute but also strange

I'm not sure why I keep poking around this eco-gardening site, seeing as my backyard is a concrete hole covered in dog doo. But it must have to do with either their great products (see: deer fly head trap) or their pictures. Look at this poor thing. Smashed betwixt thumb and forefinger, this mole was probably moments before just digging around for something to eat. Is it his fault for having been born with huge, wide hands perfect for tunneling? Maybe he hates his job, but those are the cards he was dealt! I can totally relate to that. Totally. Also? He's kind of cute in a way but also kind of creepstervich, no?

Mole-Relief™ Dry Mole Repellent

Finding: The Queen is as satisfying as a stale crumpet

Ever wish you could be a fly on the wall at Tony Blair's breakfast table? Just dying to know what the Queen and her mother might talk about on a stroll through their garden? Your dreams have come true.

The critics would have you believe that this painfully predictable piece of rubbish is "witty" (it is not), "poignant" (what movie isn't, according to them?), and i'm sure at least one has called it a "tour de force." They are wrong. See the movie and you will begin to wonder just whom Tony Blair had to sleep with to get this poorly disguised propaganda film produced. It is as interesting as watching your grandmother working on a needlepoint portrait of a cucumber sandwich.

Finding: I want nothing to do with this.

Let it be known that I want nothing to do with having a flystrip on the back of my head that attracts deer flies. You couldn't stick it on your back, or a special stick or something? You want huge dying flies on your head? F that.

Deer Fly Defense Patch